maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
