the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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