"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
