he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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