ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
