playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
