tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
