i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
