I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish I only lived at night.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
