...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
