Jerry, you need to find god
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
