just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Randomize
