That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
