yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
