so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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