thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
