Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
