Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
