We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
