after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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