We're like a lot better than the average bears
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
