we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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