But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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