my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
