My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
