I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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