I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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