you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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