Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
