yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
