If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
