Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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