why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
