spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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