Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
