You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
