i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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