cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
