Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
