You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
