Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
