Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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