grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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