At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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