do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
