I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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