before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
