I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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