Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
