She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
