he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
